Not a vacation...

But a great place to visit ~ We are Grafted In is a wonderful resource for truths about life and about adoption. One of our posts is featured there now, feel free to visit and show some love :) Just click here.

Sakes alive...she is FIVE!

Happy Birthday Hannah Leigh.

Hannah had a great year at school this year. She had the same teacher that Emily had when she was four. This was so comforting to me. She is a lovely lady. Her heart is most definitely poised to honor each and every child in her classroom.

When it came time for Hannah's conference earlier this year, I was excited to hear about how she was doing. Her teacher smiled and informed me how wonderfully Hannah was doing, she was a good friend, very sweet, sings a lot, participates and has all of her developmental goals in place. But she added admittedly that at the beginning, she found Hannah "hard to read". Hannah can be quiet, contemplative and even aloof. If you don't know her, chances are you don't see how captivating she can be.

Mrs. H offered, "When I stopped expecting her to be something she is not, that is when we got to know each other." I feel like there was an enormous amount of wisdom in her statement. I am thankful she didn't keep hoping for Hannah to be something different than she is. Hannah is a little girl who takes her time to trust...but once she does, she does it with her whole heart. Hannah is a great sport. She takes disappointment with grace and dignity. She will sit through hours of her sister's activities without complaining or whining. She is honest...sometimes too honest ;) She has an amazing laugh and will try just about anything...I love her spirit of adventure! Hannah LOVES to shop! And she is an unbelievable prayer warrior...not a day goes by that I am not humbled by this precious child.






Hannah, we love you sweetheart, every beautiful part of you. You have always been a beautiful flower...blooming, blossoming, growing...ever changing to allow the sunshine in and to allow your roots to grow. We grow because of you.






Hannah with her sweet friend, Emma and her brother, Matthew and with Nan and Em

As she graduated from preschool last week, I kept wondering how she ever got so big. She chose her own outfit for the day. She selected special earrings and a special necklace. I watched as she carried herself with grace, walking to the front of the room to receive her diploma. Her teacher held her hands and said beautiful things about our little girl. Afterwards, some of her teachers tearily waved goodbye, remembering the "wait" and calling after us that she couldn't possibly be that old already. But, she is. And it is in those moments, those big, milestone moments, that I am overwhelmed by the reality of Hannah. I am thankful to one very special woman, who graciously afforded us the blessing of seeing Hannah grow into the girl God wants her to be. I look forward to all of these miraculous moments with joy and anticipation...happy fifth birthday Hannah! You are Mommy's sweet little ladybug and I adore you!

And then, she was nine...

Blessed be childhood, which brings down something of heaven into the midst of our rough earthliness.
-- Henri Frederic Amiel



Nine years ago, I had just begun labor. I was excited...electrically excited. Having lost Emily's twin early in the pregnancy, I just knew that she was going to be wildly wonderful and a survivor. What I did not bargain for was the way she would radically change absolutely everything. Emily entered this world on May 16th. A bundle of sheer joy with a cap of red hair and a smile she tried out at about five weeks old, Emily stole our hearts readily. She has been God's biggest miracle in our life.

It is no small thing that Emily is here. After the miscarriage of her twin, I was scheduled for a procedure to remove any scar tissue and make my uterus a kinder, happier place. We had no reason to believe there was any life remaining. However, the doctor requested an ultrasound to ensure the procedure was necessary. Part way through the ultrasound, the technician left the room and returned with a radiologist. The wand moved far enough for us to see the strong beating heart...we had lost one child, but God had spared the other. Thank you God!




Emily bound into this world with great joy. I don't think she has stopped smiling since then! Emily is obedient, almost to a fault. She believes in justice and desperately desires for justice to prevail. She is not at all afraid to share the love of Christ with others and she believes the best in people. Loyal and loving is how I would describe her. She adores her friends, and still has trouble naviagting some of the finer nuances of relationships. She gets completely intimidated if she feels something she has done may hurt a friend.

My very favorite Emily story happened when she was five. For Christmas, Emily asked to get her daddy a cross. I honored her request and got him a rather rustic cross. As a contractor, I knew he needed something that could withstand the dust, dirt and roughness he subjects his belongings to. He opened the gift and raved about it, but never wore it. About three months later, she asked him innocently why he never wore his beautiful cross.

His response,
"I am certainly not worthy to wear a cross."
Her response,
"That is exactly the point, dad! None of us are worthy..."

Not only was her daddy saved during this conversation, but his own spiritual journey began and it continues today.



Emily is a huge cheerleader. She lives out God's command to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who mourn. She loves the stage and gets a tremendous amount of joy from singing and dancing. Her favorite Bible story is Noah's Ark and she has many favorite scriptures, which she can recite easily. She and her dear, dear friend, Gabrielle have disciplined themselves to read and study the Bible. This past April we looked on as both girls achieved an Award in Excellence for completing their Awana books and also achieving a perfect completion on their Gold assignments. Of all of Emily's accomplishments, this, by far resonates loudly as the one I pray remains with her always...God's truths are eternal.



Em's funny bone is bigger than she is. She loves a good joke. We call her cute way of saying things her "emmyisms"...she has a ton of them! Before bed, every night Emily loves to snuggle, play a game and do her devotions. She does her homework without us asking and asks hard questions that we can't always answer. There are places in her life where she struggles, but she has always been willing to work hard to get where she needs to go. I remember when she could not figure out riding a bike...now, we can't catch her.

Soon, we will cut those long red locks and donate them to Locks*of*Love. Part of me can't wait...part of me wishes I could bottle her just as she is.



Em has made me see things in myself that I don't want to see. She keeps me humbled and accountable. I love that. With Chrohn's, the doctor advised me my pregnancy with Emily would either kill me or cure me...personally, I think Emily saved me. She is a gift that I desired my whole life and God was gracious enough to grant me the desires of my heart.

Today, her ninth birthday, I give thanks to a great big God who gave me a precious red haired little girl to love....Em, you are my sunshine, now and always.

Happy Birthday Emily Grace!! We love you!!

Tangled

We are HUGE fans of the movie Tangled.

But I have to be honest, the night we saw it in the theater, Rob and I both had a reaction to it. Not the giggly, happy one. No. It was a sadness...a reality and I now know it was God preparing us for something important.

We are in the midst of celebrating four wonderful years with sweet Hannah. Last week we celebrated the day Hannah became formally, fully, no-looking-back, no worries, forever our family member. An extension of us, Hannah is here through the great providence of a God who knew this was where she belonged and she was the child to grow our little family. Those first six months were not easy, they were rich with joy and blessedness, but they were not easy. Hannah struggled to accept an older sister who she perceived to threaten her. She rebuffed Emily's advances for love and many times rejected her,leaving Emily confused and disappointed. In hindsight, I am able to see more clearly how this impacted our family and all of our relationships. The girls would need to grow into one another and Rob and I would be left to navigate some pretty bumpy terrain to ensure we honored both of our children and validated the deep well of emotions stirring about our home.

Needless to say, our growing pains were just that, opportunities for growth...for ALL of us. God answered so many questions during that time and honored ME, the mommy, the imperfect, undeserving mommy of these two amazing children with a heart able to love to depths I did not know existed. Our ability to love unconditionally was paramount to successfully nurturing these precious little people into familial health that might not otherwise have been. Rob and I stood united, despite the years of waiting and preparing, our true journey began the day our family expanded. Even the hard days, when tears outnumbered smiles and impatience gave way to loads of imperfect responses, God showed up, assuring us that the answers to our questions would always be enveloped in His Word and His promises. He has always been near, guiding and marking our steps, that in our obedience, fruit would be seen in our family unit.



More times than not, I forget that Hannah was adopted into our family. Barring the occasional crooked glance or inappropriate grocery line question, we are a normal, loving family. I know each curve and crease of Hannah's face just the same as I know her sister's. I feel her pain deeper, stronger, more intensely than she would like me to. Her contagious, infectious laugh comes straight from her belly, welling up loudly; I would know her laugh anywhere. Her little thumbnails have ridges and her skin becomes ashy if we do not moisturize it. She is bold and courageous and sometimes, she is scared, abandoning the survival skills she has worked so hard to protect.

Tangled. Somewhere in the midst of knowing all these things about Hannah, there is a truth that cannot be changed. My children's stories are different. Emily cringes at the real life answers that are shared with Hannah when she dares to ask the hard questions. Emily knows my knowledge of her differs from my knowledge of her sister. And so, when the movie came out on DVD, and two little people begged and pleaded to add it to their collection, I was torn. I liked the movie, but there was a reservation in my heart about exposing Hannah, yet again, to a storyline about a child being raised by anyone other than birthparents. (Annie, Despicable Me, etc.) Yet, we have always trusted that Hannah is just part of our family and we will handle the hard things as they come...I don't want to plant seeds that accentuate the vast expanse of their differences. So, yes...Flinn and Rapunzel live with us now.

For our first viewing at home, we were munching snacks and dancing around the family room, when Hannah became very quiet, sat in my lap and hugged me as tight as her little body can muster. With just a glance, she whispered, "I don't want to go back to China, ever." At the tender age of four, Hannah had connected the dots well enough to know Rapunzel went back to the parents who had birthed her. I knew God had instinctively given me a heart to prepare for this. Based on our initial feelings, we had prayed and readied for this. Though I thought it may come much later, I was rather shocked at her intuitiveness and quite honestly, it changes my prayer life regarding Hannah. Not all children deal the same, not all adoptions look the same, not a one of us will experience our situation in the same way. I share this here, in transparency and love, because there are truths in adoption that are real. But, joyfully God has prepared us for these moments. If we sustain our children in His truth, there is no subject matter too difficult for Him.

I am so thankful she does not view me as Mother Gothall ;) quite the opposite, Hannah wants to know that this is forever. And so, I assure her, as long as there is breath in my body, she is my daughter. Even if the Lord would choose to take me home, she remains my daughter. I love her and cherish her in the way that God designed parents to love their children. Her daddy feels exactly the same way. We learned that unconditional spirit from the Master himself, and though we'd never profess perfection, we know His plan is perfect.



Our conversations may be tangled as we weave our way through difficult discussions, but they smooth out seamlessly when we commit our children to Him, remembering He trusted us. Ultimately, both of our children are HIS, loaned to us for such a short time. I pray that I serve BOTH of our children well in that all too short time.

On being chosen...

I don't believe in coincidences.

I believe that God's hand rests steadily on all things.

For most of my life, I have dreamed of writing...I don't necessarily have a specific vision for it. It could be as simple as an article or as extensive as a book. Regardless of the location of text, I just know that words fall freely from my stream of consciousness. Joining with others through written word has always been a joy. Through our family blog, I have had the gift of reciprocity about profound and intimate subjects like adoption, parenting and faith. There have been times I am rendered "stuck" with nothing to write about, God will most times reveal something powerful meant for sharing.

I had been praying about throwing my hat in the ring for a chance at a scholarship opportunity that Lysa Terkurst is offering for She Speaks 2011. But in true Heather fashion, I thought of the many reasons I should not and kept moving. Who will take care of the children? What if I have no gift for writing? What if the timing of the conference conflicts with family vacation? What if I am chosen and every uber talented woman there views me with disdain? What if our bank account does not agree with my decision to go to a conference?

And then came one of the many nudges God gives me everyday.
It's not about YOU, Heather!
Huh? What? Ohhh, right.

I thought about the reality of being "chosen". We were chosen before we even knew it. We have been chosen to do His work, pen His devotionals, encourage friends and peers to more closely abide with Him, share our stories to His glory, get on our knees in accordance to His will. Nothing in this walk has been about my excuses, reasons or fears. They exist, but they do not define His call on my life. Being chosen...whether I am the happy recipient of a wonderful scholarship to sharpen my skills and meet new friends... or not, I am still chosen to share Him with the world. My task remains the same.

So, if I am to be chosen for a scholarship to attend this conference, I should let God decide. Sydney Smith, an English clergyman once said, "Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." It would sadden me to wake up and realize God's nudge had gone unattended to, or that my little hat filled with worry, caused me to allow an opportunity slip quietly away. If this is God's timing, I don't want to miss His blessing.

I could share the details of our life enumerating the reasons why this scholarship is critical to my attendance. God knows the details. It will be His choice and as much as I love reading each and every story to be shared, they are all worthy and all poignant. I have never been very good at competitive activities. I find myself cheering on each special lady destined for written and spoken greatness in His name.

So, here I am, hat in hand, trusting His perfect plan; wondering, is this the year He has planned for me to attend this spectacular life changing event?

I cannot say for sure, but I know I will not be left inconsolable with regret.

"Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us, to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations for ever and ever! Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21



She Speaks is one of many ministries enveloped in the wonderful Proverbs 31 ministries. The conference is designed to equip women with the necessary tools and skills to share our faith boldly. God placed Proverbs 31 in my life almost three years ago when a dear friend invited me to her home for Bible Study. What a sweet invitation and what fruit has been found from this ministry in my life.

Celebrations Abound!

When February blew in this year, I felt a bit overwhelmed with the amount of celebrating we have to do! Isn't that a beautiful thing?



Rob had a birthday. I met Rob at 32 years of age and married him a year later. We celebrate ten years of marriage this year. These years have been quite an adventure for us. We are both grateful, almost to tears, at the way God has transformed our marriage, our parenting, our life. Financially, we always struggle. I used to be sad to say that. Now, as I see the way those struggles have grown us, united us and forced us to make really difficult decisions, I am grateful for them. I am thankful for a husband that has endorsed our choice to be a family first and everything else second. It has not been an easy road, but continues to be a worthwhile one. I am thankful for a husband who works hard, not only is he in the business of manual labor, but he NEEDS to be customer focused. Sometimes for this shy guy, that presents it's challenges, but as his wife, I like seeing him stretch and grow. He stepped waaaayyyy out of his box this winter to assist a dear friend in coaching basketball for Emily's team. I am proud of him. His relationship with Emily has deepened tremendously. Watching him love on those kids and try to learn something he knows nothing about really blesses me. The kids on the team made him cards for his birthday...I watched him open each one. There is nothing quite so humbling or precious as the heart of a grown man evolving right before you.





I think the biggest celebration for me, is the milestone of 50 happily married years for my parents. I adore my parents. Adore! They raised us well. They made mistakes, I am sure they did, but I cannot, for the life of me, think of them. My aunt asked my mother what she loves about my father - his undying faith, his work ethic and the way he has always "taken care of everything". My father said that he loves my mother's unbridled compassion. If you knew their story, it would seem unlikely they'd be as warm, compassionate and selfless as they are, but God truly had a plan there and I am so grateful my brother and I were part of it. Mark and I hosted an intimate dinner party to celebrate with them. I had originally desired a huge splashy party with all their friends and relatives...God's plan to honor them looked different, and I am so thankful. We all enjoyed the tender closeness of our immediate family...it felt like home. My parents were overflowing with gratitude and we could not have wanted for more. Happy Anniversary, Mommy and Daddy, we love you so much!









And February 1 brings the anniversary of the day we heard the words, "We have your referral. Your daughter is from Jiangxi Province and her name is Xiao Wei Feng." I saw her face for the very first time and knew without a shadow of a doubt she was meant to be part of our family. Hannah has taught me about love in ways I never dreamt. I am wildly protective of Hannah, while also being able to see her in her rawest form and accept and appreciate every little nuance that makes her Hannah. Hannah is lovely, from her adorable little gap in her smile to her dimples that melt even the hardest of hearts; but it is her soul that intrigues me. Her perfect olive skin may captivate my eyes but her depth, breadth and complexity inspire me and make me a better mother than I ever imagined being. She and Emily fight, but that same passion that makes them competitive, makes them fiercely devoted to one another. Hannah lends her sister strength and tenacity, while Emily softens the rough places and teaches her younger counterpart about grace and mercy.

Nothing can ever prepare us for the sheer joy of motherhood. It is as close a glimpse of heaven as I can imagine. SO today, I am thankful for the man who helped me become a mother and his life that we celebrate, for the mother and father who raised me to be who I am, and their fifty loving, faithful years together and for the daughters who continue to bless, stretch, refine and keep me accountable. God blessed me when he allowed me to carry one below my heart and carry the other within it...both ARE the very heart of me.

Housekeeping

This was a post I placed on the Titus 2 in Action blog, but felt convicted to place it here too. Enjoy. :)

I like the daily chores of housekeeping. Please, folks do not lob scores of angry rotten tomatoes at me with this confession or call and ask me to be at your home in ten minutes. The truth is, I enjoy serving my family. One of my favorite scriptures,

"Whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31

came to my attention early in my domestic life and it has stuck. However, over the years, the expectations would change several times. As my responsibilities increased, I would find myself aggitated and condemning when I could not scratch off each item on my "to do" list in a certain amount of time. Each change and transition has presented it's own challenges.

This week, the challenges seemed huge as the appliances revolted rendering our family can-opener-less, hot water heater-less AND washer-less. I found myself praying...praying for the provision to be able to replace our modern conveniences, praying for forgiveness for counting so dearly on the things of the world and praying for a miracle that would help me complete my chores in a timely fashion.

My husband graciously researched hot water heaters and he was able to get us one that would fill the void. He installed it himself into the wee hours of our normal Friday Night Family night. Thankful, I was able to take a hot shower less than three hours after it was installed. Having missioned in places where no hot water exists, it is a daily thanksgiving I offer up to the Lord each and every time I step into the shower, "Thank you Lord, for hot water." Prayers answered.

When the washing machine began hissing, whirring and stomping clear across the laundry room the next day, it was not a happy moment. Faced with the prospect of yet another heavy bill, my husband and I looked at each other tenuously. We prayed...we prayed for a soution other than a new washing machine. January for a contractor is never pretty. Though we are grateful for work, January always tends to be slower with smaller jobs and slower payment on finished jobs post Christmas reverie. I had to figure out how to get the laundry done outside our sunny, yellow laundry room. The Lord provided yet another opportunity to be thankful and praise His name for the long time we had enjoyed this washing machine and the convenience it brings to our lives.

After we prayed, we visited an appliance dealer to find our replacement washer. We agreed that if the current washer could not be fixed, we would find a way to finance the new one. In obedience, my husband checked the internet for potential problems with this washing machine. Praise God for Rob's discernment, he located a small part that breaks off the machines and ordered a new one readily. The new one was installed and the washer is working great! Praise!

I would have been anxious to buy new, releasing the old one, but also potentially releasing the Lord's will for this situation. Even in our housekeeping, God is alive and working. I was humbled not only by God's quick response but also by my own short sightedness in trusting that God is capable of far more than I can imagine. We are assured in Psalm 37:4 "Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

"And my God will fully satisfy every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus. To our God and Father be glory forever and ever." Phillipians 4:19
Though this verse speaks to God's promise to fulfill the needs of the Phillipians, the promise here is that God will supply “all” the needs of the Philippians, not just some of them. Whether our need is temporal or spiritual, God will meet it.
When the glory is given to Him; when we trust His promises and seek Him first, the Lord will not allow us to remain in want. No detail is too small, even the daily rigor of housekeeping is not too small for our Lord.

May God provide perfect provision for you in all things.
Be encouraged and blessed.