Thankful Thursday of sorts

Meeting People Right Where they Are

I think it can be agreed that many of us have been changed exponentially by the beauty of adoption. I think it is a transformation - a tradition and a heritage to do as God commanded and adopt His children. I have been awed many times by the manner in which this red thread has woven through my life and the lives of my family members. Recently, a friend posted a heartfelt testimony to their personal journey at this time. Those are not my details to share, however, it brought back a flood of memories to our own journey and so, I decided to post something just for Kimberley.

Back in the days when I ate, slept and breathed Youth Group, I felt it was an honor and priviledge to lead people to the Truth. (I still feel that way, but am in less visible places to minister to folks). Before I became a leader though, I was a novice, seeking, unsure (funny, many days I am still that novice:). I was 22 when I took my first mission trip and I honestly believed I was a Christian. Yes, I led a decent, faith-filled life, but I didn't truly understand the commitment and personal relationship it would require for me to really live the life. Tex Evans, a southern gentleman who began a crusade of sorts in Appalachian Service Project, designed a mission to re-build coal-mining towns crushed by the lack of economy, growth in health related issues due to the mining profession and to reach a troubled community. His motto, "Meet people right where they are..." This was a hard concept for me - I wanted to change the world. Little did I know how accepting people right where they are is the finest path to changing the world.

I think this motto rings true in our international adoption world as well. Sometimes we need to sit with the grief, accept it right where it is. Sometimes we need accept the joy, appreciate it right where it is, not borrow the worry or trouble that our humanness would borrow. People often give testimonies citing "lightning bolt" experiences - there was this one moment when I knew God was seeking me and I gave it up to Him. Others have a series of flickers leading up to that moment and still others have no particular time when they KNEW, it just was. Accept it just as it is. Adoption is no different, some know immediately, that this is their child, other question, wonder, require time to pray and seek guidance and still others have a rather benign experience, just acceptance that this child before them is theirs, for whatever reason, meant to be.

I wondered. Will I know who she is? How does God decide? Will I love her enough? Do I have what it takes? We asked Emily, "how will we know which baby is ours?". Her reply was always the same, "She is the one wearing blue."

I read book upon book. I googled "attachment", "orphanage" and "sibling rivalry". I did research, attended workshops - you name it, I was prepared. Truth be told, nothing could have prepared me for the emotion of seeing Hannah for the first time. For us, we knew. That was our daughter, she had my lips and the twinkle in her eye. That was her.

When I passed her information to the Adoption Specialists at Children's Hospital, the doctor was concerned. Head circumference. She was too small. The doctor was going on about "failure to thrive". I was crushed. She asked us to pass along the picture, her file did not include the picture. I got off the phone and emailed the doctor. Rob and I sat at the workbench of our playroom and prayed. We looked at Emily, beautiful little Emily...and at the same time we agreed, it doesn't matter, now, we love this perfect peanut from Jiangxi province too. We agreed we were going to accept Hannah, regardless. Meet her right where she is, love her just as she is. The doctor called later that evening after viewing the picture and assured us she felt the size had been mismeasured - it was an error, she felt Hannah was A-OK. We thanked her. We didn't need the assurance so much, we knew.

Two months later, we were on our way. Rob and Jim were packed and ready. They far exceeded anyone's expectations as far as receiving this sweet child and bringing her home safely. All of our preparation and prayer had paid off. We were the proud parents of two beautiful little girls. Only, those first weeks were not nearly as easy as one would hope. Hannah had bonded quickly to Rob. Emily and I were threatening to her at first. She had periods of time where I am certain she was grieving. I watched as she rejected Emily and panicked wondering if it would be okay. Had she had too much trauma? Was love not enough? Some days she would not let me sing to her or hold her close. Was she the one God intended? I had read enough to know to expect this, yet, I felt caught off-guard by it. Amidst some of the tougher moments, Emily in her "wise beyond her years" way would assure me, she was "the one". Funny, because I never vocalized my concern, I suppose she could just tell.

When I released it to God and simply accepted Hannah just as she was, it was amazing the transformation that occurred. I stopped thinking about the big picture and focused on each small milestone. There came a time when I could not recall the weeks that were hard. There were I-love-yous and smiles, hugs and singing, trust. There was trust for all of us.

Not long after we turned the corner, I received a package in the mail. Brian Stuey had found Hannah's Finding Ad for us. I was making dinner when Rob brought it in and when I saw what it was I let the meat burn as I read each word carefully, taking in everything I could about Hannah. Nothing about it surprised us, it was everything we already knew about our little girl. Until the last line..."and she was dressed in double layer blue clothing with flowers." Emily had said for two years she was the one in blue. Sometimes the confirmation of what is absolutely the plan is revealed in timing we were not expecting and across years of flickering moments. Sometimes, we just walk by faith, accept it just as it is and reap the bounty it provides.

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things unseen." Hebrews 11:1

One year ago...


Yesterday